I don't know why I never thought of it, but the "Employee of the Month" doesn't really work, since he's the manager. Wouldn't it be really funny to have "Manager of the Month" instead? Since he's the only manager, he'd always be manager of the month! :)
Posing wise it's all good but the pen click at around x158 looks too deliberate and draws a lot of attention to itself. I would just switch the pen from his right hand to his left in a causal way.
The other thing is the part from x270 on til "I'm sorry". It's just too busy. Keep all the business til then (with the above mentioned change), but after x270 I would keep it very contained, especially during the silence. When I watched it the first time I really wanted to look at his face and his eyes and see how bad he feels. The pen business takes away from it.
I'd try two things. Put the pen behind his ear DURING the I'm sorry part. And then another version with no pen business at all. He just says I'm sorry to the guys. I'm curious which one has more impact.
Good start, love the tie business.
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