It's a bit weird to have her feet cut off like that, either zoom out and/or adjust the camera so you see all of here, or punch in and film her waist up or thigh up or something. But it's a cool composition now, well done.
I don't think you need the first 5 seconds. The way the dialogue is you quickly realize that she's nervous, let alone everybody would be as well when skydiving. So I feel like your wasting time at the beginning, just get right into it. The clip is already long, so you don't want to add unnecessary time. I would take that time and add it to the end where she jumps out or something.
Animation wise it's too rough to say anything. Overall she feels very slow and floaty and you have her head in profile a lot, which takes away from her facial performance.
You need convey the feeling body acting wise that she's nervous, hesitating and towards the end determined.
What would be really neat and nerdy is to have one or two hair strands rigged up so that they flutter (there's lots of wind obviously), especially when she gets closer to the opening.
Mosketch - sketch your pose in CG - Mosketch - Demo from Moka Studio on Vimeo.
26 minutes ago