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Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Critique - Manager & Kiss

First your Manager Shot:

you know what cracked me up? After all that time waiting you probably expect pages of critique but I actually have pretty much nothing to say, you're almost done! Yes, almost. :)

First off: the screen right hand movement around x151 feels a bit fast, 3 to 4 frames longer would help if you can shave it off somewhere.
Then, how the screen left hand grabs the pen around x333 feels too soft. Not that you have to have a giant grip on it, but just a bit more than what you have now. Towards the end what you could do is lower the thumb so it rests on the pen.
Last thing, the tie. It feels like cardboard. Look at x 211 for instance, how it rotates screen left. Give it a "gravity" pass. :)

The section "... much of anything else for that matter..." is really nice, well done!!

Of all the different version you showed me, the original #4 was the best one (even though I have a few issues with it as well). The pullback in the other version doesn't work for me either. Just like you said, it looks like he's preparing for projectile vomit and to me it's also like mouth to mouth resuscitation.

Not having seen the clip for a while gave me fresh eyes though. I have to say I'm not a big fan of the beginning anymore. Even though I like the idea that they look around to see if anybody is catching them, it doesn't read as strongly as it could. Right now it's almost as if they are checking how the audience is. Look at x72. He looks almost confused. You have to push the sneaky feel. Plus having them stand in the middle of the boat isn't helping either. If they would hide behind something, that would work better, like a life boat or something else that could be on the deck.
But what doesn't work for me at all is how she is bent backwards during all this time. The time from x150 to 200 could be cut and used at the beginning with them finishing a step behind the boat, checking if anybody saw them. With the boat rocking back and forth you could have them kinda trip over each other, loosing their balance and he catches her before she falls. That way they end up in each other's arms, and that's when he goes for it (or her).

I know that's quite a departure from what you have, it's just my 2 cents. What do you guys think?


Brett Davis Animation said...

HA HA ... did you just get so into class mode that you included my stuff with everyone else's?

I saw some other last semester shots in there too. I think only a couple. But if you're asking what your other class thinks, hey I'm up for their opinions too?

Thanks. :)

Jean-Denis Haas said...

No, whoever sends me stuff gets put up, unless they so or it's super super rough where my notes are one sentence. :)